Wondering

My mind goes back over the years.Looking for a moment in time.Wondering if it existed.The search continues.And with it hope for the future.

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More Random Babblings

z14-trees_spring_flowers_hd_wallpaperGood morning or afternoon depending when you read this. Today is Heritage Day in Nova Scotia so we have the day off. The past couple of weeks have all over the place due to snow storms and not being able to get to work. I actually started to miss it ha ha. Time off is nice when you can actually get out for a bit and are not stuck indoors. Netflix,Youtube and books are great but I was going slightly stir crazy.

I find that getting out for a short walk can do wonders for my mental and physical well being. Even if I am not feeling well I will make myself do it. Yesterday I heard I heard a chickadee on my way to the grocery store making their peeper noises.(For some reason whenever I hear them doing this I do it back ha ha).This put a smile on my face. I can’t wait for it to warm up so maybe I can get to a park to go for a hike. I miss doing that.

Healthwise things are about the same. Good days and bad days. Still trying to eat more and slowly reintroduce things in.No word back about getting in to see a shrink. The one that I was referred to said it was a month long wait usually and I was was referred back in October. I might call them again because they were supposed to get back to me and that was weeks ago. I have to get my B12 shot this week. I don’t really find that it makes a difference but I know that my body needs it. I am thinking of going to a naturopath. I have had scopes and tests etc over the past 9 months and they have all come back clear. I know my body and that there has to be a reason for what has been going on with it. I will keep at it and try to keep a positive attitude. Stress does not help. It is unavoidable but I try to let things roll off and just go with it. And trying to not wallow in self pity and be more thankful and grateful for my body and for what I have.:)

 

 

 

 

Valentine’s Day

So it is Valentine’s Day. I have been yet again lax with writing. My head is full of things but I don’t put them on here for fear of not being articulate enough or putting things up that are too personal. I am reminded today that no matter what woes are going on with me that I am a very lucky gal. Things could always be worse. I try to remind myself of that when my body or mind is not in a good place.People that work with me and a few friends know that for the better part of a year(hard to believe)I have had stomach issues(I think it was a bug which caused other issues to resurface unfortunately),dropped a bunch of weight and with that my mental state has not always been the best. 

I have had scopes etc. and it all came back clear which is great but I have been struggling to reintroduce some foods back in and get weight back on. It is hard when you don’t know what is wrong to fix it. I am doing better I think mentally but still have my moments. Mind and body health go hand in hand. If one is off I think that the other follows. I  have not written about this before partly out of embarrassment and partly because I don’t want to sound like I am looking for pity. My co-workers see me everyday so they know but I hold a lot back from others. I was in a really bad place last summer when I was at my worst physically. Bad like I was going to do something stupid bad. I had hit bottom and did not know how to get out.I am putting this out there so that others know that there is no shame in admitting that you have problems and need help. I am still a work in progress and it is slow going but I am determined to get better.

Someone close to me said that you are a person. You are not defined by your health problems. I keep trying to remind myself of this. I so want to get better and get my life back. And maybe just maybe be happy again.So on this day where people are sharing their love(yep I am going to get all sappy)I want to say thank you. Thank you to the people that have stuck by me no matter how much I push them away and how anti-social I have been. And cranky ha ha because I can be a real bitch at times. I don’t always say it but I appreciate it and love you. And if anyone ever needs to talk or vent I am here.  Big hugs,lots of love and positive vibes to you all.

I have been procrastinating yet again. I had promised myself that I would keep up with this but like my gratitude journal I have been lagging behind.Part of it is me being lazy and partly from pondering what to write and worrying about being good enough.Silly huh?I have lots of ideas and things going through my head but think that I won’t articulate them in a proper and/or interesting way.Seems extra silly now that I am typing it out on here.I have lots of goals for myself.Get my health figured out.Look into Buddhism.Take Tai Chi again etc.Not worrying about what other people think should be part of that.Or I should say a bigger part.Health comes first with me right now but I think that some of my goals could help me get there.I am a work in progress and will try harder to get where I wish to be.And stop slacking of course ha ha.:)1622434-bigthumbnail

Happy New Years!

So this is my first blog post. I have been meaning to try this for years and like a lot of my intentions they are good but fall to the wayside. I am hoping to be more on the ball with this endeavour. I know that a lot of people have been saying how crappy 2016 was and I have to agree to a point. The first part of it was good even great for me.Things were moving forward and I was dare I say happy.Then things happened with my health and went downhill from there. No pity party just unfortunate circumstances and I probably made some choices that I shouldn’t have. Still trying to get my health woes figured out but it could be worse. There are people out there battling things that I can’t even imagine. I am making some life changes starting today(sounding like a cliché I know ha ha)and hopefully this new year will bring healing for my body and mind. Someone close to me said that you are a person first. Your health problems exist but do not define who you are. They are right.

I am going to try to live and love better. Life is far too short and things can change really fast. So live life and speak your mind.Take risks. Let the people that you care about know that they are loved. And of course hugs. This coming from a person who hated personal contact and is probably one of the most antisocial people ha ha. People can change though. Sometimes it is the only way to move forward. And before I sign off a huge thanks to everyone that has had my back and supported me over theses past 6 months. I have been hard to deal with I am sure at times and for that I am sorry.I am going to try harder to not be such a crankbag.Seriously though I really appreciate everything that people have done for me.All the best for this new year.Cheers:)